by turns

Days 3 an 4

Well, this past week has certainly been an education, which is pretty much what we signed on for, so there you go. It's also been one of the most stressful weeks of my somewhat shortish life. This is how it went down.

Yesterday (Day 3), Amia knew what was up as soon as Suzanne put her in the bike seat (the school is close enough to ride to). She started screaming as soon as bum touched seat. And didn't let up for FIVE BLOCKS. Yes, there must be some kind of record or award in there somewhere. Like, Longest Bike Ride While Screaming Without Taking Breath, or an award for Best Kidnapping Simulation. The night before and in the morning Suzanne and I tried to talk her down, talking about how much she liked school once she got there. She still seemed kind of confused. "I thought school was for when I'm big like you," she said, pointing to Suzanne. "Nope, you're big enough and we think you're ready, Amia. And you said you liked it, remember?"  Not so much. At the school she refused to go inside. People were staring. Kids watching. Amia screaming. Finally the teacher came and just kind of picked her up and took her in. 1.5 hours later the teacher said, "She calmed down as soon as she got in the classroom and started playing with the kids. She even consoled another little girl that was crying." She really likes it once she's there, so what's up? The teacher shed some light and it rang true the more Suzanne and I talked about it.

Amia's using the screaming/crying to kind of open up negotiations with us. She doesn't usually really scream or cry that much, but if she does my tendency especially is to figure out a compromise. Here's where it gets tricky. Parenting, it seems, is a really fine line between dictatorial, arbitrary authority and nuanced governance (for lack of a better word). Suzanne and I are both pretty firm on matters of principle and things she needs to do, either for her own safety or for the development of virtue. And when we issue a ruling (for lack of a better term), especially if it's concerning one of the above, we're very careful to explain as much as we're able and as well as she can understand the reasoning. For example, once when she was about to put her finger in an electrical socket which for some reason was brightly colored, all but inviting children to meet their end in it's fun looking embrace, I made a big deal out of it and surprised her with how big my reaction was. I then explained to her what could happen. The next day a similar situation presented itself while we were playing hide and seek. I watched from around the corner as she approached the brightly colored death trap, think about it, then continue running for me. And for similar things she's responded well. But there's some grey areas. For example, Amia can be really pick about some things, even intense, that seem small. She likes only Suzanne or I to do certain things like open a door or button her shirt. If she raises a big enough ruckus we've given in to her requests or negotiated. Doesn't seem like that big a deal and when you're trying to just get out the door (which can take between 10-120 minutes depending on the age and mood of the child in question and the season) why not? But what we're seeing is that she's generalized the behavior. That takes us to today...

As soon as she woke up from her nap she started screaming about not wanting to go to school. Suzanne said she kept repeating, "Momma, say I don't have to go to school!" That went on pretty much for the whole car ride. Once they arrived they repeated the same scene as yesterday, complete with the teacher coming out to help. After the class, again, "She calmed down as soon as she got into the classroom." She told Suzanne on the way home, "Mom, I'm ready to go to school." And at dinner she happily told us about how much fun she had, how funny her friends and the assistant teacher are. And Suzanne had some really beautiful interactions with other mothers that I hope she'll share on her bloggity. Here's our thoughts.

Reflecting on this we're being much firmer on setting boundaries and even in the past couple days she's responded really well. Plus, after she's been to school she's a completely different person for the rest of the day. She's so much more mature, confident, even happier. She's definitely ready. We think she's just giving up old patterns--both of behavior and just of the day. It's hard to go from being with mommy the whole day to being with all new people in a new place, man.

Now we're off for a very well-timed vacation with Suzanne's fam. Now that we know what we're getting into a little bit with this whole school thing hopefully next will be a bit less stressful. Ever since this whole thing started I've been getting these heavy headaches and just feeling really...compressed.

Prayers and all the support and love we've been getting from everyone, whether here, in person, or on Facebook, has really made all the difference. Thank you!

Good News!

Amia got into the our number one choice Montessori School! And we just found out yesterday that we got the full financial aid package! I get to keep both my kidneys! (although the iPhone looks a little delicious...) So with the package it's a lot more doable, though still a bit of a stretch, which is totally fine with us. The whole time Suzanne and I felt really calm about the whole process. It just all felt right and we felt that things would work out, which they did! Thanks for all the prayers and good wishes :)

Then it hit us--Amia is going to school. That's. Really. Wierd.

Success So Far!

Amia had her second interview at a second school. This is our first choice school. It's Montessori,  it goes through 8th grade, and it's less than a mile from our house. And Amia loved it! We were a little nervous because we had to drop Amia off at the classroom and go wait in the gym while she spent some time with the teacher. We'd been preparing her since yesterday about what was going to happen. When we pulled up to the school in the car Amia got really nervous. She had a worried look on her face and I said, Are you nervous? She nodded slowly and did one of those long drawn out, high pitched, Uuuuh huhhh. But we took her to the door, the teacher said hi, Amia saw the fish tank, said, Fish!, and didn't even look around for us. We kept trying to say goodbye but she was already lost in the world of the bright colorful classroom. 20 minutes later the teacher brought her back saying Amia didn't want to leave, that she did great. Success! So now the tricky part.

One preschool already gave her a slot. It's not Montessori, and even though we can't really imagine her going there, it's a guaranteed spot and they never turn anyone away for financial reasons. But they need to know by March 1. The Montessori school we went to a couple weeks ago, that we all really loved too, also have a spot for her but they need payment ASAP to save the spot (it's a small school so they need to secure people as soon as they can), but we haven't heard back from their financial aid. And the school we visited today is a bigger school, so it sounds like we'll probably have a spot, but we won't hear back for another week or two on admittance or financial aid. So it's a bit of a gamble.

If you find yourself near something, someplace, or someone holy, we'd REALLY appreciate some prayers! We're confident it'll all work out for the best, but this is such an important thing we need all the help we can get!

My Own Personal Canon

I'm still undecided as to the whole every culture has a canon, the things that everyone must know, the things that hold our culture together. But, as long as it's being debated, I thought about my own personal canon. Those things in our culture and civilization that have shaped me. It's partly a nostalgia thing, but also to get out from under it, to get past it, I need to be able to name those things under which I labor. So here is the mostly complete list, and in no particular order, of the cultural expressions, events, and figures,that have consciously shaped me, from which I've learned about myself/my self, others, life, the world, etc.

Boy, where do you start something like this? At the obvious place I guess.

The Baha'i Writings- They've taught me more about who I am, who others are, the purpose of life, the process of life, the nature of the universe and social change, ways to live beautifully, and how to be healthy in every facet of life, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or relationally.

Blogs-What can I say? It's a completely different and new level of relating to people. I lub it.

Fight Club- Helped me to name those things which define what it means to be a person, and a man, in the late 20th century.

On the Road by Jack Kerouac- Annual summer reading for my early 20s. It inspired me to travel, really travel, and suck the marrow out of life. Partially through the example of the Holy Goof, the mighty Neal Cassady. "The only people for me are the ones who burn burn burn like a roman candle..." Completely opened up a new form of verbal expression.

Seinfeld/Kramer- Probably the biggest comedic influence in my life (in terms of the big or small screen). Came along at a time when I was finding myself, and here was an example of how one could move physically in ways that mirror how I think.

Welcome to the Terrordome/Public Enemy- This song on Fear of a Black Planet got me into hip-hop. Before I'd listened to stuff on the radio, but this once clinched it for me. The complexity of the rhymes, both verbally and socially/politically, opened up a whole new world.

American Beauty- Taught me more about the possibility and necessity of looking for beauty in everyday life than anything before or since.

Pablo Neruda- His poem I Like for You to Be Still turned me onto poetry. I still remember reading it in the ISU University bookstore. I'd just seen Il Postino, about the years Neruda lived in Italy, and wanted to read more. I read this poem and all of a sudden I was lifted above the floor and was floating over an ocean. I'd completely lost track of time and space. I finished the poem, landed back on earth, and won a free Wizard of Oz mousepad in a raffle. That was a good afternoon. I later realized this poem was about my soon to be wife.

A Moroccan dish in Jerusalem- We'd just gotten into Jerusalem and I wasn't feeling too well. My parents coaxed me out to go to a Morrocan restaurant down the street. It was designed like a tent. The man poured fresh mint tea from a height of several feet. I ordered a chicken dish cooked in a pastry with raisins and cinnamon. As soon as I tasted it I realized this was the best thing I'd ever tasted in my life. And if my memory is accurate, it's still the best.

Gandhi- The movie. A clear example of what massive social change can look like and how it can be done.

Wretched of the Earth by Frantz Fanon- The 'bible' of the decolonialism movement. Written by a man from Martinique who'd adopted the Algerian liberation movement, this was the book that modeled to me how social analysis and change can be merged with passion and the arts.

Pedagogy of the Oppressed- Turned what I knew about education on its ear. I had an idea from the Baha'i writings about what education can and should be, but I'd never heard any of that in my classes. This book, which received only passing mention in my courses, said that education, like any process of social change, is about love. Why had no one else said that?

The Black Panthers- An American example of how one can go about changing society.

Northern Exposure (TV show)- You mean TV can be complex, funny, sad, philosophical, educational, sincere, well-written/acted, and fun to watch? Sign me up! Oh, btw, Seasons 1 & 2 just came out on DVD. Wahoo for Netflix!

Rage Against the Machine- Any of their albums. They first suggested and framed many of the questions I'm still asking today.

Ani Difranco- Stunning guitar work, insightful lyrics, honest music. Doesn't get much better.

Beethoven's 9th Symphony- I think the first time I cried because of something musical being so beautiful.

Che Guevara- One of the first historical figures I became familiar with that I could point to and say, I want to have some of what he had.

Malcolm X- The second person.

Abraham Lincoln- Amazing courage combined with amazing talent in order to cast one of the worst events in the life of the nation in a spiritual light (Second Inaugural Speech).

Papa

Hey! My final paper of the semester is done! It felt so good. Here it is uncut Final paper

Defense of Homeschooling

Suzanne and I are seriously thinking about homeschooling Amia (and Elijah in a couple years?), and I'm kind of tired of the bad rep homeschooling has and feeling hesitant to tell people we're considering this. I wanted to write something about it because it seems like one of those things where people have strong opinions about it, usually against, but few people, at least in the conversations I've had about it, know a lot about. Usually the feelings against involve either a gut reaction that it's wrong, maybe because public school seems so natural or right, or they know someone who was homeschooled who now a) doesn't know how to interact with anyone different than them, b) has been too sheltered (although I'm not really sure what that means), or c) they haven't received a good education because the parents aren't educated. In that case they're objecting to a specific practice of homeschooling and not the general movement. I wonder though if given the diversity of practices and philosophies which fall under the heading homeschooling another term might be appropriate. Anyway, here are the things we've been thinking about.

-Homeschooling, as we know it, started as a conservative, White, Christian movement in the 70s. It was a way to teach kids religion and often to keep their kids from having to interact with what the parents considered to be bad influences, whether this was sex, drugs, or people of other ethnicities and religions. While that is the history that is not what it looks like now. One of the fastest growing populations within homeschooling, which now numbers about 1 million children, is people of color living in urban areas. The schools are failing their kids and they want another option. Since the voucher movement hasn't been that widespread, and may not always be that helpful, private school is not really an option. So homeschooling is what they do.

-Homeschooling doesn't mean having school at the home. Although it might. It doesn't mean that the parent is the only teacher. Although that can be the case. And it doesn't mean that the kids are being sheltered from the 'real' world. Although that can happen. Basically what I'm trying to say is that homeschooling is whatever the parents and family make it. If you know someone who's been sheltered from the 'real' world, that's because the parents wanted it that way. If they never come into contact with people different from them, that's the intention. If the kids spend more time away than being at home, learning how to develop organizations to help the homeless, that's because that's how they designed it.
What Suzanne and I mean by homeschooling is 'education through self-directed engagement'. Most public schools, by design over the last 100 years, have taken the responsibility of education away from families and relied on experts to decide what, how, and when to educate children. I think that's fine to an extent, but what I see now, and which is only growing to increase in the future, is an educational system that is more and more test-oriented and designed to help the US compete globally. That's why the focus, ever since Sputnik, has been on math and science. We want to beat everyone else. This leaves very little room for conscious self-development. And with the growing testing movement more and more children are going to be very good test-takers. But where does that leave them? What kind of people are they going to be? You can argue that schools don't have that responsibility, but when kids spend the majority of their time there, and the average teenager spends less than 10% of their time with their parents, who's responsibility is it? The way we envision homeschooling, if we do it, is to guide Amia as she learns about the world and giving her options and a voice in her own education. I don't think that's too outrageous a desire.

-People always talk about the real world. What is the real world? I grew up going to school with some good friends who eventually began spending most of their time drinking. A lot of the people I saw in school were insecure, worried about social status, exploring their sexuality in healthy and not so healthy ways, uninterested in learning about the world and how to change it, largely because the teachers were that way too, deciding whether or how much drugs to take, and secluded in cliques. And I went to a 'good' school. Those are the first images that come to mind. Is that the real world? How necessary is it for Amia to know about that world? Can't she know about the real world by volunteering at a homeless shelter? At the youth detention center I used to work at? I feel like those are much more healthy ways to engage the world.
This discussion about being sheltered and unable to function in the real world I also find a bit disengenous when the solution that's offered is public schools. Some public schools are more segregated than they were before the Brown vs. Board of Education decision. Illinois and Chicago rank in the top 10 of the most segregated schools in the country. Policies of tracking virtually insure that certain groups of people will never interact with each other (unless it's P.E. and that doesn't count). Housing segregation, of which suburbs are the most clear example, insure the same thing. So what's real about that? Isn't that being sheltered?

-I don't believe that homeschooling is for everyone. I also don't think public schools are for everyone. In a just and caring society I think all children should have the opportunity to be educated in the way that is most responsive and appropriate to them.

-There's a feeling that public school is some kind of tough love technique. "I went through it so so should they". "Yeah it was tough and I didn't like it but it made me a better person". Whoever said learning should be forced, tough, or coercive? Learning and education should be challenging and difficult, but that's a very different thing than making education tough.

-Almost any argument you make against homeschooling you can make about public schools as well. Social isolation, poor quality of education, restrictive environment, etc. Having said that, public school students do enjoy some kind of regulation in their facilities and services, and I think there should be some to an extent in homeschooling. It is true that there are parents who are uneducated and use homeschooling to educate or non-educate their kids about things and in ways I can't support. In a sense though that's none of my business.

-Another issue I see here is trust. We, and I think all parents want this, want people to trust that we're doing the right things for our children. We know our children better than anyone else. And we take our responsibility to educate them as seriously as can be. This is a decision that we'll consult on for the next couple years, study and do research on, and pray about. When we do make that decision we want our community to support us in whatever it is, but whatever we choose is between our family and God. And ultimately that's who we'll be responsible to, not anyone else.

Introduction

I'm writing a paper. Hopefully my last one for school! It's for my evaluation class. We had 2 other, more formal papers due. This is the term paper and, interestingly, we can use any kind of representation we want. It can be a formal essay, a poem, a screenplay, whatever. The only requirement is that it be 15 pages or so. So, I'm going to do a stream of consciousness thing. I'm going to record my thoughts as I'm writing it. It's a bit experimental as I've never done this before, so it'll be interesting. I also thought it would be interesting to share the paper with you as I'm writing it. It's due Friday, so I really gotta get cracking. Here is the introduction type thing. Download my paper

Hopefully 3 more pages tomorrow.

YOU'D BE CRYING TOO IF YOUR LIFE WAS IN THE HANDS OF A PIRATE

Amia doesn't usually cry, but it's really cute sometimes when she does. It used to be immediate. If she wasn't happy or having her needs all of a sudden you'd have a loud little customer on your hands and you'd be looking for the nearest mom. Now she gives a little warning, usually a face (like in the second picture), then some uncomfortable type noises, then the full on crying if you haven't figured out what she's trying to tell you. And Amia has very specific ways she likes to be held. Should you find yourself carrying this increasingly heavy little load we'll give you tips on what she's trying to communicate so you don't find yourself in the same situation as Dread Pirate Rachel.

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I found myself a job today. I think. It seems like that anyway. I called the bus company and it turns out they've given my position to another. A little ticked over the misunderstanding I continued on my way to class. Going past Qdoba (kinda like Chipotle...actually just like Chipotle except in name) I saw they were hiring delivery drivers. I went in, filled out the app, talked to the manager, and walked out with a job. Pretty sure anyway. I go in Friday at 2 to fill out paperwork. And I'll be there well before 2 this time.
Just a part time job that should bring in ok money. A little disappointing to not be using the stuff I've been learning the past couple years, but it fits my schedule this semester.

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Attached is my cosmopolitanism paper! All 32 pages worth. What I basically did is look at the development of cosmopolitan (or world citizenship) thought throughout history, look at contemporary versions of it, then see what Baha'i thought has to offer. I just emailed it to my professor and hopefully it's up to par. Enjoy!
My cosmopolitanism paper