by turns

My Top 3 Albums of the Decade and Top Song of the Year

Just yesterday we were driving in the car listening to music and I realized that I'd just found the third album in my top 5 albums of the decade. I only have 3 in my list but I feel confident that I'll find the other 2 soon. So, in chronological order they are...

Come on Feel the Illinoise by Sufjan Stevens. This album was a revelation to me. We'd just had Amia, my mom had just passed, we'd moved to a new city and I'd begun a new job. I was coming off several years of underground hip hop (Company Flow, Roots Manuva and Black Star stand out) and Rage Against the Machine and I needed something new. I needed something more family friendly, something that not only challenged my mind but encompassed my heart. This album was it. I think if I were to be an album I would be this one. The songs cover so many emotions, so many major life events that resonated and one song, Chicago, was even a bit autobiographical as my friend Erik and I had gone on a road trip out east, slept in parking lots and drove back to Chicago. Above all though this album captured my struggle to understand what it means to be a man. With so many changes in my life, from fatherhood to being the sole provider, my understanding of manhood was changing as well. The themes in this album, from step/mothers to childhood friends to regret over injuries caused to dear ones to losing someone to cancer to...Decatur, all deeply resonated with me. Added to all that are probably the best song titles I've ever seen on an album! Below is the song that probably stands out to me the most.

The second album is Our Endless Numbered Days by Iron and Wine. The themes of the album range from losing a loved one to what it means to be a man...I seriously JUST noticed the pattern here. Hehe. I think Sam Beam, the primary writer and musician in the group which has a rotating cast, had just lost his father and given birth to a child. That song in particular, Sodom South Georgia, was the first time I'd heard anyone talk about the dynamics of birth and death, especially when they happen so closely together, and it pretty much felt like he was singing my life. The poetry in these songs is so beautiful and perfectly captures these major life experiences. From that song he writes, "Papa died smiling/Wide as the ring of a bell/Small as a wish in a well...Papa died Sunday/And I understood...Papa died while my girl/Lady Edith was born/Both heads fell/Like eyes on a crack in the door." And then the song Each Coming Night which breaks my heart EVERY SINGLE TIME I hear it, asking his love what she'll say about him after he's gone, to his parents, his kids and how she'll think of him. Here's another favorite song from that album...

And the third album is Bon Iver's For Emma, Forever Ago. This album was written singlehandedly in a cabin in the north woods of Wisconsin. The singer had just ended a long relationship, his band had broken up and he had mono. As he was watching Northern Exposure in the cabin (he had me at hello with that one) he saw that episode where it snows for the first time and the residents of Cicely come out and wish each other a good winter (bon hiver?). He knew it was going to be one too so he grabbed the name. The whole album captures that time of transition almost perfectly. Aside from the beauty of the music and the lyrics, listening to this album is like listening to my own personal life soundtrack. Ever since Suzanne and I took the biggest leap of our lives last year (and every day since has been a series of leaps of varying sizes) our life has been in major transition. This album accounts for what gets lost in times of transition but also looks forward to the healing and magic that can happen. My favorite line? "Your love will be safe with me." The whole past year has been an attempt to understand that this is what God promises each of us and that this is perhaps the greatest gift we can offer each other.

Shoot, I think I'm too tired to post my favorite song of the year. To be continued...

What I Did Last Summer

I had no idea how prescient that poem by Anis Mojgani was when I posted it. This past year we've been shaking the dust from our lives, our hearts, our souls and anything else that needed a good shaking. I've never been challenged, inspired, tested, blessed or felt the love of God as much as I have in the past year. It's truly been a wonder. And the people we've been blessed to walk this path with have been true reflections of His light in our lives. I think it's time to start blogging again and getting these stories out there. And it feels good to do it too.

There's so much I don't really know where to start...I guess here and now is as good a place as any. I know my purpose in life. I know, better than I ever have before, the gifts I've been given to fulfill this purpose and how to use them. For reasons I'm sure you can appreciate I'm not really broadcasting my purpose, but I am being more forthright about some of the things I've been given to carry it out. Some of you may know that I've been doing intuitive work for some time now, about 3 years actually. I've worked with people on a various aspects of their lives, helping them to remember or reflect pieces of themselves that they may have misplaced or forgotten for a variety of reasons (and I've had to do this for myself to). The closest I can come to describing it is an intuitive life coach. I don't claim magical abilities. I can't tell the future. But working with people from all over the country I've learned that I can sometimes help people find their way if they feel they've lost it. I can help people listen to their bodies if that's what they need to do. And I can help people listen to what their soul is telling them (we all have that ability, it's just we live in a culture that bombards us with noise and it can be hard to hear that voice that's inside all of us). Recently, this past summer, I've been able to do healing energy work with people (mostly women for some reason). It's different for everyone and the experiences I've had with people have been really amazing. One session I just had with a dear friend she describes here. They're not all like this since it's all based on where each person is at in their own development, but I feel moved to share it here as it was such a powerful experience for both of us.

I guess part of why I'm sharing all this is because it feels like it's time to 'come out of the closet' so to speak about what I feel I can offer to the world. We all have so many beautiful things we bring to the table and for so many reasons we don't. For a long time I've been hesitant to share this part of my life, fearful of how people would respond (not everyone takes kindly to this kind of work). To live authentically and fully as a human though I feel that it's time, to speak of these things and to offer myself as a resource to anyone who feels they might benefit from this kind of work. If you have any questions please feel free to contact me!

I think that's it for now, but I'm really excited about getting back to blogging, sharing things that make me laugh, pictures from our lives and more stories of where we've been.

That is all.*

*I totally stole that from John Hodgman (the ('m a PC guy'). It's just such a great ending.

Things I Like #40

Here are the things I've liked in the past week:

• Going on a road trip to northern Minnesota
• Spending time with my siblings/parents/cousins/aunts/uncles in law
• Visiting Madison
• How eating ice cream and swimming are near religious experiences for Amia. Seriously.
• How the fish I caught, just a little bit bigger than my hand, had so much fight in it!
• Going kayaking at dusk, kind of waiting for a fish to bite but mostly enjoying being on the water with the sun going down
• How fearless my nephews are when it comes to crayfish, plucking them out of the water and letting them crawl all over their hands and arms. No way I'm doing that.
• Spending time with my wonderful wife, celebrating 8 beautiful years together, reflecting on how much we've helped each other grow, thinking about who we were when we got married and who we've become
• Watching Mad Men, one of my new favorite shows
• Savoring the deliciousness of having wonderful friends
• Growing in my relationship with the earth
• Getting regular good news from points northwest (about which I can say little at this point)
• Hearing that we have a fan of this comic that a colleague and I make at work involving lego men and Photoshop (I'll try to get some scans up)
• Seeing loved ones grow, in every way, consciously and unconsciously
• Daydreaming about having lots of money and what we'd do with it (some cool stuff, man)
• Seeing people ride motorcycles. I can't wait to do that again.
• Coming home
• Finding a new favorite poet...

Why I'll Never Look at Them the Same Way Again

So I started watching this reality TV show called The Ultimate Fighter. 16 mean beat the living crap out of each other for 6 weeks in the hopes of getting a contract with the Ultimate Fighting Championship. Now having seen some of these fights I had some assumptions about these men. Seeing rather large men use kicks, punches, elbows, chokes, and body slams to pound each other into submission I would ask myself, why do they do this? What's their motivation? Do they like it? So I watched the whole season of this show and am going to watch the finale tonight. I'm glad to say that nothing I thought about these men was true.

If you'd like to see a UFC fight just go to YouTube and search ultimate fighting--maybe Quinton Rampage Jackson, Forrest (I can't remember his last name), or even Kimbo Slice. These episodes are not for the faint of heart however. Quinton Jackson is known for a particularly brutal knockout where he lifted the man above his head and slammed him on the ground, pretty much instantly knocking him out. Kimbo was a backyard bare knuckle champion who's just recently made the jump to primetime TV and mixed artial arts fights. Seeing these fights it's hard not to assume certain things about these men, that they're unfeeling, uncaring, probably a little mysoginistic, and most likely have some serious issues. I was completely unprepared for the reality.

A lot of these men have had very difficult lives and often have nowhere else to go. Kimbo was living in his car, trying to figure out how to support several children without resorting to robbing people when he became a bodyguard and someone offered him $5000 to fight a guy who was kind of a neighborhood bully. Others, as their stories unfold on the show, are in similar situations--not really trained for anything, were always good at wrestling or boxing, etc.--and they view this as a chance to move up. Here's the 2 things that really stood out.

I can't ever imagine enjoying fighting someone, brutally inflicting pain, so I wondered if they really liked it. It turns out they do! They truly view it as a sport, like baseball or soccer. As I learned more about the fighting styles they bring to each match I was kind of amazed at how complex it is (and how simple it might look, paradoxically). American wrestling approaches the human body very differently from jiu jitsu. Muay Thai kickboxing uses the body very differently from traditional boxing. But all these styles would come together and for the aficionado it can be very interesting to see how each fighter uses their own strengths against their opponent. I imagine there must also be some kind of adrenaline rush involved, as well as some emotional release. This last element is true for some, not all. They're not all angry men who've found a socially sanctioned way to release their anger and pain. Many of them just truly enjoy.

And second, these men, who must seriously have sky high levels of testosterone, are the most affectionate and tender American men I've ever seen. As the show wore on friends would be put in the ring (an eight sided ring with chain link fencing around the outside instead of ropes) with friends. They all showed the utmost respect to each other in the ring and after it was over, even if they didn't exactly like each other in the ring, they would hug each other, impart an encouraging/nurturing word, or otherwise show some sign of respect. And here's the thing that really shocked me--in the fight that decided who would go to the finals, the two men were good friends and they had a really brutal match. During each fight the other fighters would cheer on one of the fighters or hoot and howl, but this match was so intense that they were all quiet because they couldn't believe how they were going at each other. At the end of the match the winner gave the loser a kiss on his cheek! And then, on the live finale this past weekend, there was another match with two guys, who were really talking smack about each other before the fight, and the loser (who'd also knocked someone out by slamming him on the ground in a previous fight) gave the winner a kiss on his cheek too! I can't remember the last time I've seen two men show such tenderness towards each other, particularly after fighting each other.

I guess I say all this to say that when we talk about men and how they act, or any such large category of people, it's impossible to generalize. Or, in this case, you might have your a*# handed to you. jk.

Distressing

Iran is the birthplace of the Baha'i Faith, has one of the largest Baha'i communities in the world (largest religious minority in Iran, actually), and is home to the most severe persecution of Baha'is. In the past couple months there has been a lot of distressing news coming from Iran. Persecution of the Baha'i community in Iran dates to the earliest days, literally, of the religion and has been punctuated by periodic tides of hatred and malice, all of which has taken on a more systematic tone ever since the discovery by UN officials of a blueprint, signed by the highest authorities in Iran, for the extermination of the Baha'i community. Denial of services, including education, layoffs, harassment, desecration of cemeteries, and indiscriminate jailings have all become routine. In recent months human rights groups have been reporting that Baha'i school children are being subjected to ridicule and harassment, even by teachers and administrators(!), and are made to sit silently while lies and distortions about the Baha'i Faith are taught. And last week things intensified when it came to light that the individuals serving on the informal administrative body for the national community (informal because formal Baha'i administrative bodies are outlawed in Iran) had their homes searched and were imprisoned, solely because of their beliefs. The last time this happened, twice in the early '80s, all the members were disappeared and never heard from again. The Baha'i world is doing all it can to make the situation known. A recent House Resolution condemning these actions is gathering more sponsors (including our Representative!), and media are increasingly shining a spotlight on these despicable actions.

More information can be found here.

And to hear what some American Baha'i children think about all this, watch this:

Look What We Did!

We just came out with a new issue of FUNDamentals! This issue is all about the spiritual and financial elements of marriage and family life.We got some really interesting folks to write articles about how they navigate these potentially/often tricky waters. I also got to submit an article about how the way one approaches marriage and family life can create positive change in the world. Hope you like it!

P.S. I keep meaning to blog but I've been so worn out at night by the time I'm finally free. Shoot!

No Longer Super Sized

Despite the previous post, I've completely lost any taste I had for anything McDonald's, and I think it was singlehandedly accomplished by this video (one of the extras from the Super Size Me! DVD). WARNING: STOP NOW IF YOU WANT TO CONTINUE EATING MCDONALDS FRIES.

Random Stuff #203

We had an excellent Ayyam-iHa this year (the time in the Baha'i calendar where gifts are given, friends are made and hung out with, and service is done). Got to see lots of family, Amia got LOTS of art stuff which she just loves, and Suzanne and I got some stuff we really needed/wanted. Including a pack of fountain pens, which I've been lusting after for years after losing my last one (although it wrote really well it was kind of a challenge to my masculinity or something. I mean, I proudly quilt, knit, and freely admit that the movie Pretty Woman makes me cry. But for some reason this fountain pen, which was big, pink, and had fake diamonds on it was the limit. I still miss it though)

We just got a new car. It was the car my aunt and my grandmother used. Not needing such a large vehicle just for herself my aunt offered it to us at a very affordable price. We love it. It's a Toyota minivan. Lots of seats with which we've been able to ride with friends. Lots of safety features. Room enough for another li'l Allmart should we catch that particular fever again. And an iPod jack. Yeah, it's pretty much perfect.

I've been watching a lot of movies at night, particularly since the Fast started (the 19 days in the Baha'i calendar where Baha'is abstain from food and drink between sunrise and sunset in order to focus on our spiritual development. More on this later). I just finished The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, and really liked it. Deadwood sparked my love of westerns as a venue to explore American identity as it was being shaped in a frontier context, and this one was beautifully shot. Lyrical even. American Gangster was entertaining to see two of my favorite actors. There's also our guilty pleasure--Desperate Housewives. Suzanne and I have been catching up on season 3. It's delicious.

The Fast started last Sunday. The first day is the hardest because I have to struggle not only with not having food for a whole day again, but I also have to kick the caffeine monkey off my back and he doesn't go without pounding my head for a good 5 hours first, leaving me with a thumping headache. Pretty much everyone I work with experienced this same thing Sunday. Now I just have to deal with the no food part. Some people love the Fast. I've always had a love/dang relationship with it. When I was younger I was REALLY into it. I still remember walking into school one morning almost floating, I was just so connected to my/our higher reality. Ever since then I feel like I've been going downhill. It does make me focus on my own inner development and growth. It's amazing to realize how much food and drink is a part of your day in ways beyond just nourishment. Like, at work before starting a new project I'll get a cup of coffee or some kind of snack to mark the transition or something. Now I just have to make a mental transition. I feel like I'm not explaining it real well. That could be the Fast talking. I also found that this Fast I've been getting cranky, which is a bit bothersome. Everything just feels more intense. Also, I realized, I really love food. I love eating it, thinking about it, reading about it, and watching shows about it. Since I've started to learn more about the culture behind food and why/how we eat what we eat I've just been fascinated. I begun to wish I made more money so that we could eat at the fabulous restaurants here in Chicago. I'd love to go to Alinea or Moto, but I have neither the $100 per person to spend, nor the 5 hours it takes to go through their tasting menu, but which is made up of foods that push the boundaries of what food is. I can never remember the name of that food movement, but it all started with this guy in Spain and his restaurant on top of a cliff overlooking the ocean. Molecular gastronomy I think it is. Anyhoozles...

I can neither say who it is nor what the site is, but my friend is doing an "identity correction website." If you have a minute there's a great documentary about this called The Yes Men. These two guys got their start individually and eventually met up and started working together. So the first thing they did together was to create a website at ReelectBush.net, when the real site was ReelectBush.org or something similar. So they created this website that had the real information on Bush, about his ties to oil, his actual voting record, etc., but it looked just like the official site and people found it and thought they were at the official site. They then did this for the WTO and actually got invited by different groups to come speak on behalf of the WTO. In the movie they film these presentations, even to the Australian Parliament, and they're amazing. They called it 'identity correction' because they essentially give up the lie behind the official speak coming out of these major, powerful entities. So my friend started one for a Chicago based initiative and I can't wait to see the response. Sometime soon I'll try to have the link.

That's about it for now.

On Music and Bad Influences

I just got a hold of the new album by Ida, called Lovers Prayers, and I've pretty much been listening to it non-stop ever since. It's just so...beautiful. I realized there's not too many albums that I think of as beautiful. Some of the new songs on In Rainbows by Radiohead are really beautiful, and I was thinking about Come on Feel the Illinoise by Sufjan Stevens, but I think most of the songs on that album are more transcendent, even sublime (yeah, I really dig what he did on that album), but nothing else comes to mind in terms of recent stuff. Definitely worth a listen. Check this out for a short interview and an amazing in studio song with their daughter on an NPR show.

In school news-- I knew it would happen sooner or later. Amia came up to me and asked if I wanted to hear a joke. I said sure. "Okay! Why did the chicken go on the road...Because he had to wipe his butt!" If you and I are ever on the phone or otherwise together somehow you have to hear this joke first hand, not just for the delicious non-sequitur nature of the joke, not even for it's all-in-one-breath delivery, but mostly for the unbridled joy and giddiness behind the telling. It's really quite something.

A Couple Randomish Things

I realized the other day how much easier (in some ways) this parenting gig has gotten recently! As I laid down with Amia to put her to sleep, which only took one minute (seriously), I immediately flashed to the old days when it would take HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS for her to fall asleep. Once she was out she was out for a couple hours, but I still have shell shock remembering how it was midnight, we were all exhausted, and she'd been crying for 2 hours already, just praying she'd fall asleep. Oh man. And up until now it's been a relatively long process teaching Amia how to do everything herself--going to the bathroom, flushing, washing hands, choosing pajamas, getting the diaper on, brushing teeth, saying prayers, reading books, and finally turning out the light, which usually involved some technique to help her get to sleep. That would take a couple hours in and of itself since we were really dedicated to encouraging and showing her how much she can do on her own, knowing that she was ready to do those things. It's kind of amazing when you have to teach someone how to do all these things that we take for granted, you realize how many steps are involved and how many different processes are involved. But now, for the past month or two I'd say, it's gotten really efficient and the whole thing takes about 30 minutes total. Montessori pre-school has really nurtured a lot of the independence and feeling of empowerment, which we're so grateful for. You can really see her just developing this world view of "I can do this. I'm capable." While it is a bit pricey since it's private school, really what we're getting out of it as a family is invaluable and makes up for things being tight in other places.

But getting back to the idea of things getting easier, I once heard someone say that as kids age the issues and challenges generally move from physical to mental in nature, and that's totally true. I feel like I may have mentioned this before, but while Suzanne and I can count on getting a night's sleep, for example, there are a whole other boat load of challenges and opportunities to engage with. For example, our little Amia hit another student for the first time at school. How do you deal with that!? Suzanne and I were reflecting after we talked about it with Amia how thankful we are that she's really open to talking about this stuff with us. I just mentioned to her, Did you hit your friend today at school?, and out came the whole story, complete with demonstration of the offending act. We talked about it with her, what it means to feel angry, what she can do instead, how she can choose to act differently, what she can say to the person that she feels is angering her, why she got a time out at school, etc., and that was that. Our hope is that she'll always feel like she can do this, come to us with something she did, whatever it is, and feel comfortable knowing that we'll listen and try to understand. So much hurt comes, it seems, when people feel like they can't be honest with each other. And while justice definitely plays a part in parenting, so does mercy, compassion, and understanding. We'll probably figure it all out by the time Amia has her own children. That's my guess.

We just got Leopard, the update for Mac OS X, and it's pretty, useful and fun. I wish I had this computer at work.

I just started watching Studio 60 on th Sunset Strip. I've decided that I'd watch a show about the making of phone books if Aaron Sorkin writes it.

We just played a really fun game that a friend of ours created. It's called Treasures and Traps, and it's a card game (nominated for a gaming award!). It's really fun, creative, inexpensive, easy to learn but involves a good amount of strategy, and can be played relatively quickly. Highly recommended!