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Soultastic Bloggers

  • Claire H.
    What can I say man, she cracks me up! I'll also add that it's awesome having her as a cousin (in-law). Indeed.
  • Anna L.
    Anna just rocques.
  • Erika
    Art + Mothering + Awesomeness=Erika
  • Katie CL
    Awesome cousin-in-law that we get to see way too little.
  • Suzanne
    The new Suzanne blog. Like the old one, just more Typepaddy.
  • FUNDamentals Ezine
    Quarterly ezine about the intersection of the spiritual and material. Also I get to work on it.
  • Kim
    If she's as awesome a boss as she is a mom, and you know she is, that kid's gonna be amazing.
  • Myk
    Talented? Aww yeah. Easy to scare? In surplus. Loving and compassionate? You betcha.
  • NathanB
    One smart fella, in the midst of daddyland.
  • Robbie F.
    Robbie is...well, Robbie is Robbie. Intensely.
  • Juliet M.
    We're learning a lot from this very cool mom and friend we've gotten to know recently.
  • Heather B
    Co-founder of a family, magazine, and parent-support network that I've had the privilege to get to know recently.
  • Heather L
    Completely dedicated to making others happy.
  • Katie B.
    Dear sister-in-law who's a new a mommy, which is totally awesome. She's gonna mom the heck out of that child.
  • Anya
    Dear sister-in-law - changing, transforming, learning, creating, erm...arting.
  • dooce
    Mothering and writing.
  • danio
    As much love and joy as 10 men. Semiotician, philosopher, writer, artist, actor, inventor of the word weblo.
  • Liza
    Dear sister-in-law helping the world communicate better, one child at a time.
  • Kari
    Filmmakers view of the world. Proud to call her my friend.
  • Jessica
    Having braved the reservations of South Dakota, she now braves Chicago, all with the voice of an angel.
  • Bahiyyih
    Awesome mother, awesome friend. (Inventor of the word webble)
  • Lacey
    A wonderful person; host to a family of blogs; the one who started it all for me.
  • Dad
    A great dad.

Where I've Been and Where I'm Going

So having been gone a while I figured I owed it to by turns to let folks know where I am. The past month or two--well, the past year really--have been really interesting. It feels like our little family is about to go through a major change. Almost as if we're about to be born. As if we're entering a new stage of life. It's a true adventure. No, it doesn't include a new little one (at least not yet, if ever), but I do think it involves living in a new way. So all my energy has been going to processing this change. Thus the absence on these pages. Once we're through the tunnel, the canal, I'll let you know what happened and what it was like. I'm thinking it'll be soon, but who knows*. Until then, rock the $*&^ out!

Disclaimer: if little ones are in the room, be advised there is an 'explicit' word at the beginning.


*Apologies for what I imagine must be the maddening vagueness of this post. That's the way it's gotta be though ;)

Things I Like #40

Here are the things I've liked in the past week:

  • Going on a road trip to northern Minnesota
  • Spending time with my siblings/parents/cousins/aunts/uncles in law
  • Visiting Madison
  • How eating ice cream and swimming are near religious experiences for Amia. Seriously.
  • How the fish I caught, just a little bit bigger than my hand, had so much fight in it!
  • Going kayaking at dusk, kind of waiting for a fish to bite but mostly enjoying being on the water with the sun going down
  • How fearless my nephews are when it comes to crayfish, plucking them out of the water and letting them crawl all over their hands and arms. No way I'm doing that.
  • Spending time with my wonderful wife, celebrating 8 beautiful years together, reflecting on how much we've helped each other grow, thinking about who we were when we got married and who we've become
  • Watching Mad Men, one of my new favorite shows
  • Savoring the deliciousness of having wonderful friends
  • Growing in my relationship with the earth
  • Getting regular good news from points northwest (about which I can say little at this point)
  • Hearing that we have a fan of this comic that a colleague and I make at work involving lego men and Photoshop (I'll try to get some scans up)
  • Seeing loved ones grow, in every way, consciously and unconsciously
  • Daydreaming about having lots of money and what we'd do with it (some cool stuff, man)
  • Seeing people ride motorcycles. I can't wait to do that again.
  • Coming home
  • Finding a new favorite poet...

On Being Friends

Not only is being a parent (I'm speaking of parenting young children just 'cause that's what I know) kinda difficult, but it can be kind of difficult to be friends both with parents and, as a parent, with other people, particularly people without kids. Having been on both sides I thought it might help to offer some insights that I've experienced and and also talked with people about. If you're in this situation in any way I'd love to hear your insights too!

In no particular order:

  • Plans ALWAYS depend on how the children (and parents) are doing that day. I can't even count how many times we've made plans with someone to do something and because Amia was teething the night before we only got 2 hours of sleep, or one of us was just exhausted from all the energy involved in parenting, or Amia didn't sleep well and is like a little time bomb and we had to cancel. I know that if it's other parents it's all good because they've been there, but honestly I always feel bad doing it to my dear friends without kids because it always feels like I'm bailing on them.
  • Being a parent can be really, really, um, REALLY lonely. It's hard to get out of the house, it can be hard to have people over, and it's sometimes/often hard to plan on being able to be with people. This can be because 1) it takes an hour (or more) to go potty, get dressed, get clothes on, pack food, toys/books and changes of clothes, allow for a meltdown (either by the kids or the parents), nurse, go potty again or change diapers/clothes because someone didn't make it in time, 2) you've gotten 4 hours sleep the past 3 nights and the dishes and clothes and toys are piling up such that they resemble certain geographical formations and you can't even think about having visitors over in this mess, 3) the first bullet point above, 4) if the stars line up and you do have visitors you frequently have to leave the room to nurse/change clothes or diapers/put the little one to sleep. I'm not trying to say it's always a Herculean effort to have people over or visit people, but things definitely become a bit more complex and unpredictable with kids. It's not just grabbing your jacket and leaving the house anymore, or simply tidying up a bit. There's a ritual involved and it usually includes varying degrees of control. But I think it's safe to assume that parents, particularly if there's one staying at home with the little one, pretty much always want someone to visit with and talk to.
  • Not only is just getting out of the house more complex, but going places is too. We tried going to restaurants for the first couple months and then just kind of gave up. Again, it all depends on the child, but Amia was really sensitive to all the noise so most restaurants would just kind of set her off at some point, letting us know that she needed to leave. Even if she could sit for a while and be chill, eventually she would get bored and need to start walking around. So we ended up having like a good 10 minutes of being able to sit and eat/talk. After that we were on the move until we left. Hence, we just kind of waited till she was like 18 to 24 months to really try restaurants or similar public spaces. That doesn't seem like a long time now, but when you're in the middle of it it seems like FOREVER to be in that situation.

Oh, to Be Young Again

This video is remarkable. I don't think I've ever had that much lack of inhibition in public to just let it all hang out. I'm talking both about the elderly woman, who is phenomenal, and the kids you see in the lower left for a couple seconds. There's a lot to love in this one.


Why I'll Never Look at Them the Same Way Again

So I started watching this reality TV show called The Ultimate Fighter. 16 mean beat the living crap out of each other for 6 weeks in the hopes of getting a contract with the Ultimate Fighting Championship. Now having seen some of these fights I had some assumptions about these men. Seeing rather large men use kicks, punches, elbows, chokes, and body slams to pound each other into submission I would ask myself, why do they do this? What's their motivation? Do they like it? So I watched the whole season of this show and am going to watch the finale tonight. I'm glad to say that nothing I thought about these men was true.

If you'd like to see a UFC fight just go to YouTube and search ultimate fighting--maybe Quinton Rampage Jackson, Forrest (I can't remember his last name), or even Kimbo Slice. These episodes are not for the faint of heart however. Quinton Jackson is known for a particularly brutal knockout where he lifted the man above his head and slammed him on the ground, pretty much instantly knocking him out. Kimbo was a backyard bare knuckle champion who's just recently made the jump to primetime TV and mixed artial arts fights. Seeing these fights it's hard not to assume certain things about these men, that they're unfeeling, uncaring, probably a little mysoginistic, and most likely have some serious issues. I was completely unprepared for the reality.

A lot of these men have had very difficult lives and often have nowhere else to go. Kimbo was living in his car, trying to figure out how to support several children without resorting to robbing people when he became a bodyguard and someone offered him $5000 to fight a guy who was kind of a neighborhood bully. Others, as their stories unfold on the show, are in similar situations--not really trained for anything, were always good at wrestling or boxing, etc.--and they view this as a chance to move up. Here's the 2 things that really stood out.

I can't ever imagine enjoying fighting someone, brutally inflicting pain, so I wondered if they really liked it. It turns out they do! They truly view it as a sport, like baseball or soccer. As I learned more about the fighting styles they bring to each match I was kind of amazed at how complex it is (and how simple it might look, paradoxically). American wrestling approaches the human body very differently from jiu jitsu. Muay Thai kickboxing uses the body very differently from traditional boxing. But all these styles would come together and for the aficionado it can be very interesting to see how each fighter uses their own strengths against their opponent. I imagine there must also be some kind of adrenaline rush involved, as well as some emotional release. This last element is true for some, not all. They're not all angry men who've found a socially sanctioned way to release their anger and pain. Many of them just truly enjoy.

And second, these men, who must seriously have sky high levels of testosterone, are the most affectionate and tender American men I've ever seen. As the show wore on friends would be put in the ring (an eight sided ring with chain link fencing around the outside instead of ropes) with friends. They all showed the utmost respect to each other in the ring and after it was over, even if they didn't exactly like each other in the ring, they would hug each other, impart an encouraging/nurturing word, or otherwise show some sign of respect. And here's the thing that really shocked me--in the fight that decided who would go to the finals, the two men were good friends and they had a really brutal match. During each fight the other fighters would cheer on one of the fighters or hoot and howl, but this match was so intense that they were all quiet because they couldn't believe how they were going at each other. At the end of the match the winner gave the loser a kiss on his cheek! And then, on the live finale this past weekend, there was another match with two guys, who were really talking smack about each other before the fight, and the loser (who'd also knocked someone out by slamming him on the ground in a previous fight) gave the winner a kiss on his cheek too! I can't remember the last time I've seen two men show such tenderness towards each other, particularly after fighting each other.

I guess I say all this to say that when we talk about men and how they act, or any such large category of people, it's impossible to generalize. Or, in this case, you might have your a*# handed to you. jk.

See This Movie.

Suzanne and I went to see this movie for my birthday and lo-hoved it. Because: 1) the visuals are stunning. Filmed in 28 countries over 4 years, there's places that I didn't know could look like that on earth. 2) The dialog with the little girl was largely improvised. Some reviews see this as a fault. We, on the other hand, felt like someone filmed us having a dialog with Amia. It was awesome to hear a child's voice expressed so authentically in a film. 3) Love, truth, and children can offer us salvation. True in the film, true in life.

Delight...


What Do You Say?

My conversation tonight with Amia just before she fell asleep:

Me: Mommy and daddy love you very much, Amia.

Amia: But why do you love me?

Me: Because...you make us happy (how do you answer that to a 3 year old!?)

Amia: What does happy mean?

Me: It means...when you feel warm inside.

Amia: But why do bees think lights are the sun?

Me: ...

Amia: [Asleep within 2 minutes]

I Was There!

Last weekend I was working at the Baha'i National Convention, held in Wilmette. NPR was there and I didn't even know it! The story, about Baha'i elections, is one of the best synopses of both the Baha'i election process and Baha'i belief that I've ever heard!

You can listen to it here.

Fortunately you can't hear me singing in the background.

The Red Devil is Dead. Long Live the Red Devil.

I'll start with the bad news. My scooter, aka 'The Red Devil', 'El Poderoso', and 'Jake', was stolen from in front of our house about 2 weeks ago. It was there late one night as we arrived home from a friend's house and wasn't there the next morning. I called the po-po and filled out a report, called insurance, and have since been taking the train. The cops think it's probly been chopped up for parts. Hmph. Here's the weird thing- I don't really care.

Intellectually it stings a little because it's finally warm and I just made it through my THIRD winter on that thing, freezing just about anything that freezes. Also, it was pretty much our second car, so that's pretty inconvenient. But here's where the not-caring comes in. One, the week before I had started to really feel not safe on it. Like something was going to happen to me on it. All it takes is one person, particularly in an SUV, not paying attention for a second and I could be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life. So I feel like maybe I dodged a bullet in that sense. Also, I'd just started reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. I'd just finished the part in the book where he talks about how our ego tries to stabilize itself by attaching itself to material things. Once I became aware of that process, which felt totally true, I became much more able to not do that. When I looked out the window and saw that it was gone it helped to not feel like a part of me had been taken, which is how the ego typically responds. When I tell people I feel like I should be more outraged or hurt or something, which feels like the social script for something like this, but I don't. More than anything it's just inconvenience.

So in the next week or two I should be getting an insurance check which should be enough to get a new bike or two that the three of us can bike around the lake on. And I'll probably get a train pass. Not that I'm a fan of public transit. Like many people I imagine I think it's good for a lot of reasons, mostly environmental, but it's not something I really like doing. I liked having that time in between home and work all to myself, thinking my own thoughts and singing my songs in the safety of my helmet. Maybe one day I'll ride a scooter again, but probly not for a while.

I should probly also apologize to the person slated to receive my scooter that's named in my will. Will a nice bike do?